is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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