Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
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She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Even my vagina gasped.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
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Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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