We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Found the puke drawer
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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