too bad you live with your parents still
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm just crazy horny about you
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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