just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
