Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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