is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
