I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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