he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
