Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
