i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
