i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
