After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
