woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
