Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
