rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
