I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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