Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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