you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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