My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
