I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
