can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
