Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
