2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Couch. On fire.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
