the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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