i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
