I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
