He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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