I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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