my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
