I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
