New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
