A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
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Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
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I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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