Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize