Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
