does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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