And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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