I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
dude. I can hear the air.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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