Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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