Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
