CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
