So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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