I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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