You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Michael Bay diarrhea
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
