White coat. Heels.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
