So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
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She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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