Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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