I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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