Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Randomize
