oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
