just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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