Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize