Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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