I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
