this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
