I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
