Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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