I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
