she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
