i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
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He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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