Me. At least after what I've been through.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
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I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
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I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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