sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
