i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
