Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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