To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
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I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
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I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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