No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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