you guys were way drunker than both of me
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
