And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize