Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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