Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
