i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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